Why do I want to tell everyone my diagnosis so much? I keep formulating Facebook posts in my head and arguing with myself about how to go about it and what to say, and whether I am going to come off as needy, or whether people are just going to get annoyed by it!  But I still really feel that it would help me in some way if I do!  I don't know how, or in what way that help will manifest itself...maybe someone will have a great suggestion for dealing with the side-effects of the radiation treatment? or maybe someone will suggest some food or drink that is going to help with keeping up strength?  I don't know.  But I feel that I really want to speak out, but at the same time I don't!  I know that I want to tell those closest to me in person rather than through a Facebook post, but who does that include?  Probably the only relevant person is Kathy - and I do absolutely want to sit down with her - but what about Ross, Robbie, Jon?  If I email them personally, how are they going to react? What good would it do to do that?  Last night's dreams were not good, but they were just dreams! Shit shit shit.....I hate this so much!  I just don't know what to do!