Dr Feng called yesterday afternoon to confirm that it is definitely cancer, but that I am going to need an ultrasound examination to determine the extent of it. After that, it will be chemo-therapy to reduce the size of it and then an operation to remove it. Simple!
Weirdly, my mind has been mainly engaged in finding creative ways to "announce" the news on Facebook. I thought maybe send a photo of something that looks like crystal meth and say that I'm still trying to get that blue colour, any suggestions? Or a creative, ironic hashtag? Or maybe I should just keep quiet. I am conflicted. The sympathy would be nice, but it doesn't achieve anything, and the last thing I want is for people to tell me that they are going to pray for me, but what else can people do!
I'm not angry, but I am frustrated and very very scared. I've not cried yet. All the signs I can see point to this being treatable, so maybe I needn't be worrying at all, it's just the name "cancer" and the terms flying around ("chemotherapy", "infected tissue", "ulcerated lesion") that make it seem so dark.
Jean's been so sweet. I love her more than I have ever imagined being able to love. I hate the fact that this is going to be a burden on her - she's going to have to deal with all the household stuff and also with me, yet again! Plus, of course, we are going to have to find some money from somewhere!
Shit Fuck Bollocks!
Edit: I've asked twitter for help in naming the tumour "I've been told I have a small(?) cancerous tumour in my rectum. I think I need a name for it, any suggestions? I'm thinking maybe Arthur?"
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