Went solo down to the City in the end -figured that Jean would be better off getting stuff done at home or sleeping. Good decision, as it turns out! It was the most intrusive and uncomfortable examination I've ever had while conscious! Another first for the week, to add to the tattoo and the enema!
Doctor was really encouraging. Told me the tumour is 10cm from the anus, in the middle of the rectum, explained in detail how the operation goes (small incisions, minimally invasive, area is cut out and the 2 loose ends re-connected). Warned that there is about a 5% chance that I will have to use a colostomy bag permanently, and a 50% chance that I will have to use one for at least a little while after the operation. I will definitely have changed toilet habits (more frequent and less reliable).
The operation is provisionally set for February 23rd. The Radiation/Chemo treatment should be over just before Xmas, so I will have 6 to 8 weeks of recovery, although he did emphasize that the effects of that treatment carry on after you have finished actually receiving the treatment.
He advised me to forget about the operation until the chemo and radiation treatment is done - concentrate fully on that and not worry about or even think about the operation until the time comes. He also praised the team in Santa Rosa and said that I have the best experts working on my team!
Drove back feeling reasonably positive, if a little glum!
Then last night had some horrible nightmares about trying to tell people about the cancer and being ignored or laughed at - friends, family, complete strangers all doing the same thing! Really disturbing!
I want to get started and get this thing moving! I'm scared, worried and feel a big hole in the pit of my stomach. I keep tearing up. I don't like this one bit!
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