For 6 months now, my entire life has revolved around being a cancer patient and now a chemotherapy patient. My calendar is full of nothing but appointments. I want to be ME again - a Dad, a husband, a programmer, someone who has fun and enjoys life - has a laugh, doesn't mope around all day! Finn asked me the other morning why I was always so angry with him! It was Jean's birthday yesterday and I couldn't even think of anything fun or original to get her! I hate this so much.
Tomorrow is treatment number 4, preceded by blood work and an appointment with my oncology specialist (see - nothing but appointments!). We'll be 1/2 way, so at least that is a milestone.
The side effects have been lasting longer and longer after each treatment, so I'm fully expecting this time to be no different - nausea, nerve sparks, neuropathy, exhaustion and a general malaise until at least Thursday, probably longer.
I am lucky, though! I was back at work this week and I spoke to a few people about stuff. One guy has a daughter in law, only 30, who has just completed chemo for breast cancer and is probably heading for a double mastectomy. She's got young kids, works as a nurse. She's taken it hard - hardly leaves her room. Another got diagnosed with testicular cancer shortly after I left work to have my operation. He had a successful operation back in March, but now has to undergo an intensive chemo regime that sounds so much worse than mine - he'll be an inpatient for 5 days every month for the next 4 months, followed by 3 weeks of recovery time! Makes my 2 hours, plus 2 days with a pump seem like nothing at all! We were able to chat a while and I encouraged him to join a support group and talk about it.
Cancer is a fucker! Sorry there's nothing positive in here.
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